


Jitters

by TenRoseForeverandever



Series: These Two Hearts [8]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 14:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14546601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenRoseForeverandever/pseuds/TenRoseForeverandever
Summary: The tension leading up to their (human) wedding results in Rose and the Doctor having a serious falling out.





	Jitters

**Author's Note:**

> Another one-shot in my _These Two Hearts_ and _Domestic Bliss_ series. It’s angsty but ends well, of course. 
> 
> This is a WIP that’s been lurking in my unfinished folder, taunting me. I just couldn’t figure out how to finish it off for the longest time. And bit by bit it finally came together. Thank-you to the Fangirls for participating in those Word Wars! What a help!
> 
> My eternal gratitude, as always, to my lovely betas, Rose_Nebula and mrsbertucci. You make me better, and I love you for it. And, as usual, I made changes since you last looked this over. Mistakes are all my own. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 

“Don’t you dare walk away from me!” Rose lunged forward, shooting red-hot pokers of anger along their bond, as the Doctor threw on his coat. She snatched at his sleeve. “Where the hell do you think you’re goin’?”

He jerked his arm free of her grip, his mental walls slamming into place, inhibiting telepathic communication. “Out! Anywhere away from y-… here!” His hand plunged into his coat pocket and he yanked out a banana. Rapidly stripping back the peel, he took a huge bite, insolently chewing it, open-mouthed, in her direction. “Somewhere where my opinion will be valued,” he gabbled around the mouthful of fruit, as bits sputtered from his lips.

Rose sneered in disgust. “You’re not goin’ anywhere!”

“Watch me!” His left eyebrow arched defiantly, as he pulled open the front door.

“But… but we have an appointment with the florist in twenty minutes! Mum arranged everything!”

“What? And I’m just supposed to sit there while my opinions are ridiculed? _Again?_ Nope. Big nope. I’m sure you’re more than capable. Byyyyyyeee!” He slammed the door behind him, and Rose listened, fists clenched at her side, as his car skidded away down the damp London streets.

She screeched in frustration! How dare he? She stamped her foot. What had she even been thinking, getting married to the bloody idiot? The entire process was turning into a nightmare, and the Doctor’s unique (for lack of a better description) personality was simply adding to the chaos. The caterers had walked out, threatening to quit over his obsessive requests for banana-themed foods for every course of the wedding supper. As it was, it had been nearly impossible to find a new caterer so close to the wedding, to take over from the previous ones who had turned out to be aliens trying to infiltrate Torchwood through direct contact with the Tyler family. Now she would have to grovel with the current lot to get them to speak to her again and plan a sensible menu.

With a growl, she gathered herself, taking several deep breaths. She peered into the hall mirror, smoothing her row-tussled hair, and schooling her expression to one of calm. She was just applying a fresh coat of lippie when the florist’s car rumbled up the drive.

\--ooOoo--

It was late that night before Rose heard the Doctor arrive back home. He had ignored all her worried texts throughout the evening, and she’d paced the house frantically, hoping he was safe… hoping she hadn’t driven him away for good.

Once the stress of meeting with the florist had passed, Rose had immediately felt repentant for her outburst and dismissal of the Doctor. He was eccentric, no doubt about it, but she adored every, single one of his quirks, despite the pandemonium he often left in his wake. In hindsight, the caterers had been rigid and uncompromising in considering the Doctor’s requests, and she, desperate to get the menu set and checked off the extensive to-do list, had blindly followed their lead and allowed the Doctor to be insulted and denigrated. To her dismay, she realized she had been just as disparaging to her fiancé, her bond-mate, her best friend… the love of her life, as had the caterers.

Waiting for his return, she had baked him banana bread as a peace offering.

That had been hours ago.

Now, having heard him open and shut the front door, she sat up in bed, anticipating his footsteps on the stairs.

They never came.

She probed gently along their bond, sending loving thoughts, but was only met with a solid, obstinate wall, shutting her out.

Concerned, she got out of bed and padded downstairs to look for him. Stopping off at the kitchen, she found the banana bread untouched, although the kettle was hot and his tea mug was missing. Tears welling in her eyes, she cut him a generous slice of the bread, setting it on a plate with a scoop of his favourite banana chocolate-chunk ice cream.

She found him in the study, tending to the baby TARDIS.  “Hey…”

He stiffened at the sound of her voice, and resolutely kept his back turned to her, shoring up his mental walls even more.

“I… erm… I thought you might be hungry. Brought you a snack…” Stepping into the room, she set the plate down beside him.

He grumbled something under his breath.

“Well… whenever you wanna eat it, then. It’s your favourite…” Rose watched him with a sad smile as he stroked the little coral, which was now standing over a foot tall, and had many little branches with glowing bioluminescent buds developing on the tips of some of them. “She’s growin’ like a weed, yeah.” She reached out a finger, tenderly running it along one of the coarse twigs, revelling in the feel of the little TARDIS crooning in her mind.

“Yup,” the Doctor agreed, making no effort to conceal the dismissal in his tone. She sensed him bristling. “Do you _need_ something?”

Rose shuffled her feet, tentatively stretching out her left hand toward his shoulder before quickly retracting it again. She looked down at her trembling fingers and fiddled with her engagement band. The Doctor had had it custom made, the TARDIS-blue sapphire nestled in a white-gold split shank, so the gem was flush with the top of the band, a practical but lovely setting, perfect for her often-physical work at Torchwood. The gold was woven into a filigree of infinity knots ( _“…a promise of forever…”_ ) extending down each side of the ring, and accented with small diamonds (“… _the stars I’ll take you to visit again someday…”_ ) It was stunning, designed by this wonderful, ridiculous man as an affirmation of their unwavering love.

_I need **you** …_

“N-no,” she stuttered out her response, “I’m jus’ goin’ to bed… You… are you comin’?”

“I don’t think so.  I’ll be fine here… on the sofa.”

“Oh… all right.” She was tempted to beg. She just wanted to feel his arms around her, keeping her safe and warm as she drifted off to sleep, and be reassured he still wanted to keep that promise of forever. But it seemed she wasn’t going to get that reassurance tonight. She turned to leave, making her way back up to her lonely bed.

\--ooOoo--

When she awoke the next morning, after a fitful night’s sleep, he had already left the house. He hadn’t bothered waiting for her, so they could drive into work together, as they usually did. When she found the baby TARDIS was gone too, panic coursed through her, her stomach clenching in knots. Had he left her, gone away with the TARDIS to start a new life… on his own? _The last of the Time Lords…_

Hyperventilating and physically ill, she dropped into his chair in his study, and fumbled with her mobile.  She tapped out an incoherent message to him, begging him to text back and signed with _I love you_ s and heart-emojis. For an hour she stared at the phone, willing a response to appear on the blank screen.

Nothing.

Her nails were bitten to the quick when she realized the time. As Ambassador of Extraterrestrial Affairs, she was expected to be presenting to the Settlement and Integration group at Torchwood this morning about the recent influx of alien refugees and how to ensure each species felt welcomed and secure. _What a joke_ , she thought, _having me speak about_ that _, when I’m too thick to even keep the one alien more precious to me than any being in the universe from feeling that way._ Sometimes it was easy to forget he wasn’t entirely human.

Her stomach churned with guilt again, and she rushed to the kitchen, vomiting her meagre breakfast into the sink. There was no way in hell she could go into work today. She was an emotional wreck, and she needed to stay close to home, just in case the Doctor came back.

She called in sick a few minutes later. “Thanks, Donna,” she told Pete’s administrative assistant. She thanked the stars there was a Donna Noble in this universe too, every bit as brilliant as the one in the Prime Universe, and a staunch friend to both her and the Doctor. Rose swore she was the one who _really_ kept Torchwood running and above board.  “Oh, jus’ one more thing, yeah?”

“Is this about the Doctor?”

Rose stuttered into the phone. “Is he there? Did you see him this morning?”

“Ha! I thought as much! You two had bit of a domestic, didn’t ya?”

“Well… I uh… How did you know?”

“Oh, I can tell. Spaceman came slinking in to his office _very_ early this morning, carrying that bloody great plant-thing with him. Thought he’d get in before anyone noticed. But not much gets by me. Claimed he had work to do on it, needed some chemicals or some such.  Pffft… that excuse may work on everyone else, but he’ll need to do better than that to fool me. Told me not to worry if he was working late in his office tonight.”

“He’s not planning to come home then.” Rose whispered into the phone, sniffling as tears trickled down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Blondie. Planning weddings can be so stressful. At least, I’m assuming that’s what this was about.”

“Hit the nail on the head, you did. Yeah… I was a bit awful. A complete cow. Blimey, I’m turning into one of those Bridezillas, I am.”

Donna scoffed. “Oi, it takes two. I’ll bet he was in full outer-space-dunce mode, wasn’t he?”

Rose choked in surprise. “Yeah, he was. How did you…?”

“Oh, well, I’ve seen it happen. Basically, anytime he’s in a meeting and feels cornered. But he loves you, sweetheart. Don’t you ever forget it!”

“Oh, Donna, everything was going so well, until just a few weeks ago, and then the thing with the Frugartai disguised as caterers happened and there were deadlines and he started being so difficult cuz we agreed we were already bonded in the way of his people, and everything else didn’t matter… But this is just so important to Mum…” She was crying in earnest now. “But I was so horrible to him yesterday. Wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to just call it all off and go on without me… forever…”

“Don’t be silly. It’s just pre-marital jitters. You two will work this out. I know you and I know him and you’re both bloody idiots, but I’ve never seen two people more in love.”

“You didn’t see us yesterday…” Rose swiped at her snotty nose with the back of her hand. “You won’t tell anyone else, yeah?”

“Don’t worry. It won’t go any farther than me, love.”

“And you’ll let me know if he leaves the office? Please?”

“Consider it done.”

“Thanks, Donna.”

\--ooOoo--

Rose made up her mind she wasn’t going to allow her estrangement from the Doctor to continue. Her insensitivity had caused their current situation and she needed to be the one to fix it. She had once done the impossible, crossing the Void countless times, over many long months, to get back to the Doctor. She had literally been through hell and back to be with this man, the man she loved. She was certainly not going to allow her moment of thoughtlessness to drive him away.

The previous night, she hadn’t persisted, hadn’t insisted they talk. She had allowed him to isolate himself from her, and she was certain it had hurt them both. But _this_ evening she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She would never again give him any reason to believe she had given up on their chance at forever.

To that end, Rose had spent the afternoon planning, making phone calls, and running around on various errands.  

She found herself, just around suppertime, stepping out of the lift into the lobby of the Torchwood administrative offices carrying a picnic hamper over one arm.

“Blimey, Rose…” Donna muttered stepping out from behind the reception desk, pulling on her coat. “Are you all right? Sorry… you look right knackered. You two make quite a pair! Pair of bloody fools, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Rose winced in apprehension. She had only made a half-hearted attempt at tidying her hair and applying make-up, and she had dressed entirely for comfort in leggings and an oversized jumper.  After a frantic day, trying to set her plan in motion, all she cared about was showing the Doctor how much she loved him, to win back his single heart. She didn’t need to be dressed in fancy clothes and perfect make-up to do that. That had never really mattered to him in the past, and she doubted it would matter to him now.  

“You’ve got a plan, I take it?” Donna nodded at the picnic basket.

Rose choked back a nervous laugh, dread settling in her gut. “Not much of one. I jus’ need to get him to talk to me. That’s the important thing.”

Donna offered a compassionate smile. “Off you go then. He’s been moping in his office all day. Never left except to use the loo. He only ate lunch because I brought it to him.” Donna stepped forward to press the button to the lift. “I’m off, now. Everyone else is long gone. You have the place to yourselves. On my way out, I’ll make sure security knows not to disturb. Good luck, Rose.”

“All right. Thanks, Donna.” Rose gave the redhead a hug and waited until the lift doors closed behind her before heading to the Doctor’s office.

Her heart pounded frantically against her ribs, as she raised her hand to knock tentatively at the Doctor’s door.

His voice sounded from inside, tired and resigned. “Come on in, Donna.”

Rose’s hand fluttered over the doorknob, uncertain, anxious about his response to her presence.

“Oh, come _on_ , Donna!” he groused when she didn’t enter immediately. His footsteps approached, soft and shuffling, from within, and he swung the door wide. His surprised eyes settled on her. “Oh, it’s you.”  It was the first time he had spoken to her in for what seemed like forever, though it hadn’t even been a full day. Cold though his words were, she let the sound of them wash over her and fill her soul.

She stood at the edge of the doorway, hesitant, picking at the hem of her jumper. “Thought we could talk,” she stammered. “I brought some supper… if you want.”

He turned away from her, returning to his unique office space, a space that catered to the whims of his fidgety body and his restless mind.  In the centre was a circular console that emulated the TARDIS console, with knobs and button and levers, all with specific functions. The circular shape allowed him space to pace and think; assorted computer monitors and instruments were attached at eye level. Other tables of different heights could be found throughout the room, littered with gadgets and devices in various states of repair, and often housing his laptop or tablet. Today, one was home to the baby TARDIS.

There were also a variety of different seating options: a rolling office chair was abandoned in the midst of the clutter; a big, squishy armchair nestled in a corner next to a bookcase and a side table, piled high with books; a large, bouncy yoga ball was tucked under one of the desks; and an enormous sofa-sized bean bag sat in front of the floor to ceiling window that comprised the facing wall.

“Well, are you coming in or not?” he huffed, as he began a trek around the console, on bare feet, idly flipping switches and pushing buttons.

Rose moved quickly to the beanbag, hoping he would join her there. She set the picnic basket on the floor and curled into the seat, her legs tucked under her. They had spent many hours, here, in his office, talking about everything and nothing, work and reminiscence and their future together. It had always been such a comforting space for them both. Now, she was an intruder in his sanctuary, and that knowledge filled her with dread.

The minutes crept by. The silence was suffocating. He continued his work at the console, his back determinedly toward her.

She couldn’t sit still any longer and clambered up from her spot. She sat on the yoga ball briefly, bouncing in agitation before sidling toward the central console. She and the Doctor began to orbit, her following him around the huge table, him always keeping her opposite him, a pathetic dance.  

“Doctor! Stop. Please.” As he hesitated at the sound of her words, she rushed around the console in the opposite direction, catching up to him. She tugged at the cuff of his red jumper. “Please, Doctor.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Rose.”

She slipped her hand over his, where it sat curled around a control knob, stiff and unresponsive. “You could tell me what you’re feeling…” she offered, tentative and uncertain.

“You really want me to go there?”

“No… but I think I _need_ you to.” She wriggled her fingers between his, her thumb stroking the side of his pinky. “You could show me,” she suggested, probing at their bond, but she was still met with only his unyielding mental walls, rebuffing her attempts at telepathic communication.

He glowered at her. “Right, I’ll just have at it, then. What I’m feeling? Angry, betrayed, alone… for starters.” His fingers spasmed around hers but held fast. “I could go on.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent. Her poor Doctor: he must have felt so frustrated and helpless… so frightened. Cornered, as Donna had put it. And, as usual, when his feelings became to much, he shut himself off to them. Shut everyone out. Shut her out. _Outer-space-dunce mode…_

“I know. I’m sorry, Doctor. I promise I never meant for you to feel any of that. I… I love you so much, and I’ve been a right cow. I let everything get to me. It was never you. Not really. I just got so frustrated when you were butting heads with the caterers. I was so desperate to get it over with, another thing checked off the to-do list… and I was worried they’d walk out and we’d be left with no other options so close to the wedding. And Mum… she’d be crushed−”

“Rose… erm…”

“No, lemme finish, yeah?” She barged on before he could respond, determined to finish her apology properly. “I should’ve supported you, or at least helped find a common ground. That’s what I’m supposed to be good at: negotiation. Instead, I… I… And I’m so sorry!”

“Weeell…” his free hand came up to ruffle the hair at the back of his neck, “…to be honest, I _was_ trying to wind them up a bit.”

“You were _what!”_  Her anger resurged.

He ducked his head. “Thought we’d have a little fun at their expense. You’ve been a bit shirty lately, so I thought you’d enjoy having a go at the stuck-up gits. Like we always do… you know... But you... you weren’t playing along...”

Rose pressed her lips together, fighting to control her temper. “And, of course, _you_ had to go and−”

“Course,” he rambled over her, “I didn’t properly take into account how stressed you were, and how much we needed the pretentious… Weeell, anyway, I got a bit carried away.”

“Ya think?”

He flipped his hand over so their palms met and fingers entwined.  He brought her hand up to his lips. “Sorry.”

At the sensation of his warm breath across the back of her hand, Rose’s angry words slipped away, and she found herself dumbfounded by the absurdity of the situation. A fit of laughter burst out of her. “Oh my _God!”_ she chortled. “Donna’s right. We _are_ complete idiots!”

He began to laugh too, his mental walls crumbling as he wrapped her in a tight embrace, lifting her from the floor and spinning her around.

 _It feels soooo good to have you in my mind again._ That _was bloody torture!_ She revelled in the merging of their thoughts, her consciousness entwining with his.  

_Yes… yes it was._

_Let’s never, ever do that again._ She pressed her cheek against his chest, as he hugged her close to him, stroking her back.

\--ooOoo--

“That! That, Rose Tyler, was amaaaazing!” The Doctor sucked the remnants of his supper from his fingertips. “I think I’m actually looking forward to our wedding, after all, now!”

“The caterers were so nice about everything. They were so apologetic.”

“They actually created these banana-themed meals, just for us?”

“Not _just_ for us! They liked them so much, they’re adding them to their regular menu. Said it was just the thing to take their business to the next level.”

“They’re smarter than I first gave them credit for, then.  Humans, always able to surprise me!”

“Well, ta for that! You _do_ remember you’re practically one of us now?”

“And I never fail to surprise me either!” He beamed at her, his eyes sparkling.  He stood up, wiggling his fingers at her. “Shall we head home?”

“Wait! Before we go, I need to say something, yeah. Before I lose my nerve.” She stood up beside him, her heart thundering as she took his hand in hers, but deliberately keeping their minds unlinked. What she wanted to say needed to be said the human way, with carefully chosen words, spoken from the heart. She needed to hear the words spoken aloud. She needed _him_ to hear them.

He nodded, watching her quizzically, but patient, with his warm brown gaze.

Shaking, she met his eyes through the tears that clouded her vision. When she finally found the courage to speak, her voice was hushed: “In the darkest parts of my mind, I thought you were gonna leave me.”

“Rose… I would never…”

“I know. Shush. Lemme finish.” He nodded, and she continued. “It made me realize how much I had begun to take _us_ for granted. Even after everything we’ve been through, I’d forgotten that love takes work. Maybe I thought (or hoped) the hard bits were all in the past, I dunno. But, I s’pose, love is _never_ easy, not really. It needs to be nurtured so it can grow. Like our little coral, there.” She gestured with a tip of her chin at the little being, glowing in its container across the room. Her lips twitched up and the Doctor returned her smile, squeezing her hand.

Her smile faded as she continued. “Yesterday, I thought perhaps I’d ruined everything. You were so angry and distant. It scared me. I thought for sure you were going to call the wedding off.”  

“We’re already bonded in the most meaningful way, love.”

“I know…” It didn’t escape Rose’s notice he hadn’t denied her statement, and her heart stuttered with that knowledge. She took a deep, calming breath and forced herself to continue.  “It’s jus’ over these last couple of days, I’ve realized how much it meant to me, having a human ceremony, in front of all our family and friends. Something solid, real–”

“Our bond _is_ real… the realest of real. Nothing could be any more real than that!”

“I know,” she insisted, “but having it witnessed by everyone... I don’t want this wedding to be just about humouring my mum, anymore. I want this to be about _us_. To show the universe, once and for all, that it can never ever tear us apart.

“Doctor, what I’m trying to say is…” Her teeth worried her lower lip, and nearly faltering, she clung to his hand and knelt before him on one knee. She forced herself to meet his incredulous eyes. “Doctor, will you marry me?”  She opened her free hand to reveal the ring she’d been secretly clutching, a band of infinity knots that complemented the knots on her own engagement band.

He stared at her, silent and unmoving for what seemed like hours, as she knelt before him in supplication, and she bowed her head under the weight of his gaze.

“It…it was supposed to be for the wedding day, a surprise, and then I… erm… thought maybe I should give it to you now, ya know, to prove to you how much I… well, how much I love you.” She knew she was rambling, but his silence, his obvious reluctance to answer her, was unnerving. Without the security of their bond, there was so much uncertainty. “I do, you know… love you… so much, and I jus’ want to be sure you believe me, and trust me again; I mean after everything… B-b-but if you don’t want it… the ring,” her fingers closed over the band again, hiding it, “I... well, I’d understand. A bit domestic, yeah… everything, the wedding… everything.”

“Rose Tyler,” he broke his silence and pulled her up to stand before him, “we need to set a few things straight. One: once and for all, love, you need to understand, if I believe in one thing, I believe in _you_ , trust _you_.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” He reached in and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Two: domestic with you is all I could ever want in this life. The one adventure I could never have… before, remember?”

“You sure?” A watery smile played over her lips again.

“Beyond any doubt, Rose. Now, where was I? C… no, three: I will never _need_ a big, fancy wedding (or even a small, dreary one) to prove my love for you, but if it means so much to you, then it means that much to me too. Besides, I always like a good wedding, especially when it’s my own… and,” he waggled his eyebrows at her, “when delicious banana-flavoured nibbles are on the menu!”

“Shut up!” She cuffed him gently on the arm.

“There will be no bride left standing at the altar at our wedding, Rose Tyler…weeell, unless she and the groom are off to stop an alien incursion or something.”

“I wouldn’t put it past us,” she chuckled.

“It would make for a great story, don’t you think?”

“I think Mum would stop them single-handed, rather than let them disrupt the ceremony.”

“And that would make a great story, too!” He laughed.

Rose’s smile faltered and found her heart sinking again. She took his hand and swung it between them, her eyes downcast. There was still the ring… and he hadn’t directly said–

“And, four… nah, this is number one. Weeell, it should have been but, me and my gob. I never get it quite right, do I?”

Rose pressed her lips together, gathering in her tears as she tentatively looked up at him through her fringe. The ring pressed painfully into her damp left palm where it remained concealed.

Near to bursting with nervous energy, she continued to swing their linked hands.

The Doctor stilled the movement, and with his other hand, cupped her cheek, looking her directly in the eye. “So, in case I haven’t been clear… in answer to your question, Rose Tyler, a most definitive, incontrovertible, emphatic ‘yes’!”

“Yes?”

“Oh, _yes!_ Unequivocally! _”_

“Really?”

“Really.” He moved his hand from her cheek to join her tightly clenched left hand. He brought it to his lips and tenderly kissed her engagement band, then turned it over and tugged at her fingers, prising them open to reveal his ring. “I would be beyond honoured to wear this; I would be beyond honoured to marry you.”

“To have and to hold until death–″

“No!” The word burst from his lips. “Forever.”

“Forever.” Shaking, she fumbled a little with his engagement band, then slipped it onto his ring finger. “Oh, it fits.”

“Of course, it does. It’s come home. And, Rose Tyler, I think it’s time we went home, too.”

Hand in hand, the baby TARDIS cradled under the Doctor’s arm, they walked to the lifts.

\--ooOoo--

That night when Rose Tyler climbed the stairs to bed, the Doctor was by her side, their love flowing freely through their bond. She fell asleep with his arms around her, keeping her safe and warm and comforted that their promise to each other was (unequivocally) forever.

 


End file.
